Pathological Demand Avoidance

Pathological Demand Avoidance is an autism profile held by my spouse.

His case is objectively extreme.

Today, he cleaned the whole kitchen and folded a mountain of laundry.

To avoid reading my poetry, smoking some weed on the porch before supper, talking about a story I want to write with him, adding a plug in to my blog and playing video games with our kid.

Yesterday, he suggestively pulled out his penis, asked me to cuddle with him, and then rejected me.

He likes me to chase him so he can reject me. He's into BDSM, and it's a game he likes to play with me, which I would be up for. However, I was never informed that we were in a 24/7 Dom/Sub relationship. I've been subjected to that for 13 years without my consent.

Now, he refuses to talk about why.

When I told him that I needed to talk about it, or he and I would no longer be sexual, he said, "Fine, F (our child) and I will not be over tomorrow."

Today, he showed up and was annoyed that I hadn't put on full regalia for him.

He likes me to dress up to please him. He likes to withhold praise and interaction until i am literally willing to do anything to earn his praise.

Again, this is not something I consented to.

I get more real love from near strangers than I get from him.

He cheats on me in chat rooms and via porn.

And then, he wonders why I'm angry all the time.

He loves to play the victim.

While he feeds off my pain.

Covert Narc.
Narcisstically defended.

I wonder if sociopathy is actually a weird form of autism...

I have an interest in epigenetics and neurodivergency and 20 years working in mental health.

I suspect certain types of generational trauma, combined with particular personal trauma, could make genes that would cause autism in some people, or other ND profiles in others...

I wonder if they could cause an issue with mirror neurons, as a survival mechanism.

I'd like to study the geneology and personal histories of known sociopathic individuals .

I would like to study them in a clinical setting.

I wonder about gene therapy. I wonder about motivation for change. I wonder about codes of ethics. I wonder about effective treatment.

I feel that individuals like this exist for a reason within our society.

An anecdote about a sociopathic surgeon who could do surgeries no one else could, due to his lack of capacity for empathy, come to mind.

But, wounded people feed on the pain of others.

Be it through harm.

Or, helping.

But, I'm working on my boundaries.

I no longer feed off of others' pain.

I no longer allow them to feed from me.

Not without informed consent.

Not without reciprocity.

Not without a safeword.

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